3) Vehicles of RelationBy developer on October 3, 2015
For the past two articles we’ve touched upon being called or compelled to do something and what to do with that calling. How do we deliver it and in what vehicle. Content and Delivery is the topic.
In the last article we got into our words and actions as being the technology by which we express ourselves outwardly and even inwardly. Life on this planet evolved into beings that stand yay high and can move at such and such speed by foot and bend the joints to move limbs and walk and grab and kick and slap. All this is a biological technology built to do… what?
You see, we can quantify and scientifically categorize the exact measurements of the body, the vehicle, the technology… but not the impact that vehicle will have on the world. Everything we do reverberates in the immediate world around us.
Jump into water and it splashes. Say a hurtful word and emotions flare. Give $10 bucks to a homeless man who wants food and maybe it’s a good thing. Give $10 bucks to an alcoholic homeless man… is that good? What is “good”? How do we measure the impact of how you’ve changed the alcoholic’s life against the hungry man’s?
We “imply” things with our actions and words that speak a language that actions and words can’t do alone. Think of a child saying “I’m sorry” for hitting his sister because that’s the only way he’ll get ice cream after dinner. Now think of a child that genuinely comprehends how they’ve hurt their sister and then says “I’m sorry”. Same words, same technology, same vehicle but something else was driving them. And the impact of the driver goes deeper than the vehicle.
Authenticity. If you authentically wish the best for your friend during the course of debating a sensitive topic with him, then you would never resort to insulting or attacking his character simply because a belief he holds is “wrong”. That seems obvious. But if you simply want to maintain the illusion that you wish him the best, then you might ridicule his position or make him feel inferior somehow then hide behind the excuse “I’m telling you this for your own good”. We use content to make our arguments more sophisticated and this is how we often times justify being horrible to one another under the guise of “trying to get through their thick skull.”
Here’s a simple trick to see the difference between content and delivery. If two people were having an argument and treating each other disrespectfully, how would you know? Is it simply because of the words? If the guy says to the girl “You’re disgusting looking and I won’t take you out tonight looking like that?” Do you need to understand the language to feel the impact?
Now imagine they’re speaking in a language you don’t understand. Could you tell if she felt insulted or complemented? Doesn’t their tone speak volumes? They’re body language?
Another example: If you post something to your Facebook about a style of clothing that you love out of inspiration and someone comments saying “You’re nothing but a slave to the capitalist system. You resemble a zombie. Just mindlessly consuming the bull shit that “The Man” wants you to buy so the fat cats get their profit and you fall deeper into the sheeple’s slumber. Wake up?
How would that make you feel? Would you feel that they really heard you? Really listened? Yeah they read the content, the words but did they hear your enthusiasm? Did they see that you were coming from a place of inspiration? Simply: Did they enrich your experience or come to battle with it?
We seem to use our mind for many “things”, but the ways we use it falls into three categories. Fears, Desires and Appreciations. We use our mind to scheme our way out of situations we don’t like and defend against danger. We use the mind to scheme our path to our desires. And we rest the mind when we simply appreciate what we have in front of us. No effort. Just breath. Enjoy your health. Laugh.
With these three categories, we can do unspeakable things. Murder out of fear. Murder out of desire. Steal and cheat out of fear… or desire. But we don’t seem to experience love as a response to fear. We may not even experience real unconditional love as a result of achieving a desire. It seems to be the result of appreciation. The stillness. The comprehension that love is always a choice of how to use the tools, vehicles and technologies we already have in the service of… Love!
Not the sappy soft amorphis blob of indefensible gushy sensuality that we often confuse for love. The love that protects its young. The love that will never be the bystander to violence and cruelty. But the love that knows there’s a time and place for intervention and that sharp balance between being force of love or a self righteous and self proclaimed referee or champion of “love”. This form of love becomes increasingly evident as we spend more time in the appreciation of life and the observation of grace and compassion towards people in need.
That is not to say we should abandon fear and desire. I’m not so sure it’s even possible. Using the mind is great. Using it to scheme ways, develop methods and build technologies to alleviate fear and acquire the object of our desire isn’t wrong. It’s just not exactly how fear and desire seems to be most effectively used. Fear and desire are types of fuel. Leverage that fuel. Use it in the service of something that transcends fear or desire. Like fasting and dieting even though it sucks. Not because someone sold you a lifestyle model and you bought it hook-line-and sinker, but because you’ve experienced the effects of it. Your choice to do something you don’t necessarily enjoy at the time can be made in the knowledge that delayed gratification and certain temporary sacrifices lead to greater results.
That knowing came from experience and experimentation. It’s a science. A technology that you apply to life because you enjoy the benefits it produces..
Building faster, stronger and more efficient technologies is not pulling us farther and farther away from nature (as some might believe). It’s our craving and aversion that does that. Our fears and desires dictate what those technologies will serve. So if we were to simplify our technologies of mind and body into categories we understand, then we can see what’s working and what’s not.
And if you feel that you know something like dieting or speaking kinder to your mother when she’s doing what mom’s do (pushing our buttons) is a good thing but you don’t have the will power… that’s because the technology is rooted in the desire for what it will produce rather than rooted in the appreciation of the process itself. We’re not necessarily being good to our mothers and our colons by forcing ourselves to perform a task because we’re told the result is worth it. The will power to be good to one another, to be good to ourselves and the planet must be experimented with. It must be examined.
Have we found joy in both extremes or opposites of health? If not, then we won’t understand how to utilize the evidence. Short term gratification of the food we want seems less powerful than the long term effects of healthy eating. But without the ebb and flow of between opposites, we become rigid and fearful of “not eating right” or “not being good enough” at the expense of enjoying the quick pleasure of naughty food and being true to ourselves. Being too healthy is an addictive vice and disproportionately kind leads to a violation of our boundaries.
CONCLUSION: (inspired by Barbara Mol and Ann-marie DeHerrera)
Fear tends to constrict and tighten our mobility. Our actions are overly conservative and we’re not living anymore. Just surviving. Cutting our losses. Cutting off contact and closing down in an attempt to reduce risk and minimize vulnerabilities.
Desire opens us and pushes us beyond our comfort zone. It liberates mobility in the pursuit of what we crave. We take chances. We shed any moral or self imposed boundaries that seem less important than the attainment of our desired object. We risk big and throw caution to the wind.
Appreciation governs the balance between fear and desire. The more time we genuinely surrender to graciousness and contentment in the simplicity of life, the more time we will take examining what we truly achieve from our fears and desires.
The quick impulses we react upon from fear and desire will seem less dire and urgent under the medicine of appreciation. With appreciation for exactly what we already have (health, the senses, the capacity for love, the ability to enrich relationships) we let fear finish its sentence and we mull it over. We patiently observe our desire and discern the real impact of it’s attainment, not the hyped up idea of what we wish it will bring us.
Appreciation is letting the moment tell us what we’ll get from it instead of us hunting our desires and avoiding our fears. That’s no longer our concern. The real Vehicle of Relation… to the moment, to others, to ourselves, that is directly related and purely governed by your appreciate of the people in your life.
Assholes and Angels alike… the moment sent them to you for a reason. Please don’t get caught with your head implanted in the ass because someone you meet today is not what “pleases” you. Fuck what pleases you. Please yourself (don’t masturbate) by discovering the reason why an intelligent drama such as life would put an asshole in your path. The less you pretend you know what “life” is meant to provide you with, the less expectations you’ll use to distort your view of what life is actually providing right now and always.
Wake up. Good morning. Good day. Goodnight, travel well.
Categories: Collaborative Opportunities, The Student, Uncategorized.